Getting Over a Relationship Breakup

What Emotions Can a Breakup or Divorce Trigger?

If you’re grieving after a breakup, that’s entirely normal. In fact, the emotions people experience after a painful breakup can closely mirror the five stages of grief, which can help explain why you might feel so overwhelmed. Here’s a breakdown of what you might be going through:

• Denial: This is where the “Is this really happening?” feeling sets in. You might hold onto the hope that things will go back to the way they were, or you might even try to minimize what happened.
  
  
• Anger: As reality sinks in, anger can bubble up. Whether you’re angry at your ex, yourself, or even the universe, this stage can feel intense.
  
  
• Bargaining: Bargaining usually means reflecting on the “what ifs” and “if onlys,” wondering what could have been done differently to save the relationship.
  
  
• Depression: This is often the toughest stage, where feelings of loneliness, sadness, and hopelessness hit. The world can feel a bit darker, and simple tasks might feel like a challenge.
  
  
• Acceptance: Over time, you start to see a way forward. Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re suddenly over the breakup, but it does mean you’re beginning to see yourself moving on and rebuilding your life.

These stages don’t always happen in order; some might last longer than others or show up more than once. Therapy, particularly breakup therapy, offers tools and strategies for navigating these stages, helping you avoid getting “stuck” in any one place.

How to Come to Terms with the New Situation

Accepting a new reality can be one of the hardest parts of a relationship breakup. It’s like adjusting to life without a part of your identity if you were together for a long time. Therapy can help by guiding you to work through difficult emotions and makeing sense of everything. One helpful part of therapy is having a space to say things out loud, including what you’re really feeling—even the messy or contradictory parts. This honesty can be freeing and is often the first step toward finding closure.

Through therapy, you may explore lingering doubts and regrets or address feelings of guilt or rejection in a way that promotes healing. A breakup therapist might introduce activities like visualization to help reframe these feelings. This guided reflection can be a powerful tool, helping you process what happened and gradually accept this new chapter.

Top 6 Coping Tips for Breakups

Therapists often suggest healthy coping strategies for managing intense emotions after a breakup. Here are six that can be particularly helpful:

1. Nervous system regulation: Techniques like breathing exercises, meditation, or even petting an animal can help calm your body and mind. Activities that regulate the nervous system reduce stress and anxiety, helping you feel more in control.
   
   
2. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT): Also known as “tapping,” EFT involves tapping specific points on the body while focusing on negative emotions. This technique can help release pent-up stress, providing relief and helping you process your feelings.
   
   
3. Reframing negative thoughts: Therapy often teaches people to reframe negative thoughts, shifting focus from the loss to potential growth. For example, instead of dwelling on feelings of hopelessness like "I’ll never find love again,” therapy might help you reframe this to “This breakup allows me to rediscover what I truly want.”
   
   
4. Timeboxing grief: Scheduling time for sadness might sound odd, but it can be surprisingly effective. You might set aside 30 minutes a day to let yourself feel sad, then shift to a different activity. This helps keep grief from overwhelming your day.
   
   
5. Self-care activities: Spending time taking care of yourself physically and mentally can be a form of therapy on its own. Consider making a list of things you enjoy or have wanted to try, then actually scheduling them into your week.
   
   
6. Social support network: Family, friends, and even support groups can make a big difference during this time. Talking things through and getting different perspectives helps reduce feelings of loneliness and reminds you that you’re not alone in this journey.

These coping strategies offer a mix of activities to help ease feelings of grief and prevent negative emotions from taking over.

What Therapy Is Best for Breakup Recovery?

Traditional talk therapy is helpful for dealing with a breakup, but other forms of therapy can offer faster and more holistic results.

Hypnotherapy: By tapping into the subconscious mind, hypnotherapy can help individuals access and process unresolved grief or pain that may be holding them back. It’s especially useful for breaking old patterns or emotional habits that might linger after a bad breakup.

Somatic therapy: Emotions get stored in the body, which can cause physiological tension or stress. Somatic therapy involves using physical sensations and psycho-sensory techniques to process emotions, making it helpful for people who feel tension in their chest, stomach, or neck when they’re upset.

These forms of therapy work well alongside traditional talk therapy, helping individuals release stored emotions and navigate difficult emotions with new clarity and perspective.

Is Therapy Worth It After a Breakup?

While friends and family can offer support, therapy provides professional guidance, particularly when it’s hard to move on. Without processing feelings of grief in a healthy way, it’s easy to stay stuck in negative thinking loops or carry resentment and anger into the next chapter of life. Therapy helps break these patterns, offering space to release any lingering feelings of anger or sadness in a productive way.

A therapist provides unbiased insights, often helping clients look at themselves with more compassion. Through regular sessions, individuals can shift from self-blame or anger to self-acceptance, using their personal experience as a stepping stone toward a stronger, more resilient self. By working through these stages, therapy can provide closure and prevent old emotional wounds from influencing future relationships.

How Long Does Breakup Therapy Usually Last?

There’s no strict timeline for therapy after a breakup; it depends on the person. However, many people find a few months to be ideal for working through the stages of grief and establishing healthy boundaries. This structured timeline helps individuals work on long-term healing, not just short-term relief. Therapy also provides an accountability partner, ensuring you stay on track through the grieving process.

Having a professional to guide you can be instrumental, especially when motivation wavers. By the end of therapy, many people feel ready to let go of their feelings of grief and start anew, equipped with coping strategies and self-knowledge that help them approach romantic relationships more healthily.

Finding a Positive Way Forward

Breakup therapy ultimately helps you shift from focusing on the past to envisioning a positive future. This might involve identifying new goals, rediscovering old passions, or finding new hobbies that provide joy and fulfillment. A breakup can be an opportunity to explore what you really want in life—and in future relationships.

Therapists often encourage clients to consider what qualities they seek in a partner and what boundaries are necessary to feel safe and valued. This process not only helps in building self-awareness but also paves the way for a healthy relationship in the future.

Breakups can feel like a massive loss, but therapy helps you take control of your healing journey, giving you the space and support to work through the hard stuff. By understanding your emotions, trying new coping strategies, and reframing your mindset, you’ll find yourself moving past the heartbreak and embracing positive emotions and a fulfilling future.

Common Questions About Coping After a Breakup

How to cope with breaking up with someone you love?

To cope with breaking up with someone you love, focus on healthy coping strategies like deep breathing, setting time limits for grief, reframing negative thoughts, building a support network, and practicing self-care. Therapy can also provide valuable support and guidance.

What therapy is best for breakups?

For breakups, therapy that combines traditional talk therapy with somatic or hypnotherapy approaches can be especially effective to support healing in different ways, creating a comprehensive path to recovery and long-term resilience after heartbreak.

How do I know if I need breakup therapy?

You might benefit from breakup therapy if you're stuck in prolonged grief, experiencing negative thought patterns, or feeling isolated. If daily life feels overwhelming and you're struggling to move on, a therapist can help you navigate these challenges.

How does breakup therapy work?

Breakup therapy provides support through the grieving process, helping you process difficult emotions. It ideally includes talk therapy, somatic therapy, and hypnotherapy to encourage healing and promote personal growth.

Is breakup therapy only for people who have experienced long-term relationships?

Breakup therapy isn't limited to the end of long-term relationships. The heartache can be just as intense from shorter relationships, influenced by emotional attachment and shared dreams. It’s about the depth of feelings and future aspirations, not just relationship duration.